My Artists' Journey - Part 2 (Self-Exploration)

It would take 5 more years until I decided within my own heart to try to “be an artist.” Lots of experimentation along the way and trying to make it in the “real world.”

Something “clicked” my senior year in my college art program after my France Abroad (see “Part 1”). However, even though I had an entire spring semester to “explore” my new painting style, I got very, very frustrated. Because, even though my professor recognized something in me to keep going in that direction, he could not take me there. He could only point the way. So I spend those final months asking myself what the heck did I do to get my church painting & how do I do that again?

We all then started life after college graduation. I married (too young in our opinion) my high-school sweetheart and we moved to downtown Chicago to “start our life together.” It was tough. I found a job at a then-start-up commercial real estate firm who needed a graphic designer to put together their building flyers. My new bosses were hard-core born & raised Jewish New York City entrepreneurs that set off to conquer the real estate market in the “backwaters” of “puny” Chicago. Those 3 years were life transforming for me, & under their co-Founder, Jeff as my mentor, I learned a LOT about helping him start the Marketing department & business, as the firm rapidly grew from 3 brokers to over 20 when I left. It was such a cool experience.

But, I was creative and a dreamer. I wanted to travel, see the world and figure out my life on the fly. I married someone very opposite of me and even though we both thought we knew each other since we grew up together, very soon it was VERY evident that once we started making hard life decisions, we were VERY, VERY different. Looking back, we both never got some time spent by ourselves to figure out who we wanted to be.

I got pretty depressed. I felt this huge “drive” within me to “do something creative” but I didn’t know what. For so many years, I just felt I had a big question mark about it. I still at this time, felt very insecure about becoming a “real artist.” So I did everything I could think of to foster my dreaming around my strict 9-5 job.

I thought maybe I’d go back to school to be an Art Historian, but I needed to be fluent in at least 1 European language, preferably 2. I also needed lots of credits/portfolio showcasing my research papers (which I had none). I looked into MA in Graphic Design but since I was a minor in college, I did not have enough credits to get into a MA program without showing I finished other foundational coursework. At that point, web design and Flash was all the rage and I am not a software programmer so it was pretty intimidating & there was not a whole lot of space for creative folks like me to fit into such a technical world. There was quite a split still, either print-focused or web-focused. I looked into being an Art Teacher but again, needed Education background to fulfill that role.

But all these weren’t enough and I truly felt I was missing out on the opportunity that I needed to take before I had kids. I instinctively knew that once we wanted a family, I would be the type of mother that would be 100% devoted to that role, and if I did anything “selfish” for myself, I would need to do it BEFORE kids.

But we were living in downtown Chicago barely scraping by, the prospect of going into debt to pursue . . . something graduate school related was overwhelming. I certainly explored creative outlets ass much as I could since we had a tiny apartment, I could sketch and draw. I finally took an oil painting class which I loved but couldn’t really paint large paintings only tiny ones back at home.

I literally felt like a tiger in a cage. My soul was slowly dying and I didn’t know what to do.

I look back on those years - now over 17 years ago, and definitely feel for myself. I was in the “Wilderness,” feeling very alone and isolated. The city atmosphere was grating on me and my husband and I both hated the cold. It was exiting to live there without a car, taking transportation into downtown to work on the brown El line back to Armitage ini Lincoln Park but it was VERY routine. My personality prefers spontaneity (not too much but a little!) or flexibility, to keep my dreams alive, to keep a spark of life. As I look back I felt like I was barely hanging on. Even though I loved my husband very much, I expected him to support me no matter what, and to appreciate me for everything he was not. A Dreamer married to a Realist is not all that fun LOL.

I did a LOT of soul searching.

In the end, my soul heard me and gave me a way forward . . . .

My Artists' Journey - Part 1 ("The Painting that changed my life")

As I sat on my bed in my hotel room in Southern France in 2002, I knew that something had changed but couldn’t put my finger on it. I was mad! Frustrated that I couldn’t figure this out. You would think I would be in heaven–on my 2nd college abroad, in France for 8 weeks, and all we had to do was draw or paint all day while we traveled visiting villages, chateaus, and cities.

Why the heck was I SO ANGRY? I remember vividly I was staring at my tiny blank, white watercolor piece of paper, feeling my anger build up inside me. It was like when you’re a little kid and the teacher (or maybe your best friend) is telling you, “You have to be IN the lines Katy! IN the lines!” and I didn’t want to be in the lines, in face I intuitively knew that I SHOULDN’T be in the lines. It kind of felt like that!

I had taken art classes since I was 11. I had first looked upon one of my friend’s portrait of a woman he had created himself, and copied out of a photograph of a recent National Geographic magazine. It was just a girl and it was just a portrait done in pencil. But it was gorgeous - lifelike and perfect graphite rendering. I was absolutely captivated! How the heck did he do that? It looks so perfect! So real! Could I do that?

Taking art classes that young was definitely beneficial. I learned very early ob that YES, anyone could be taught how to draw like that. It was a skill to learn, practice and improve upon. It was clear that the traditional method of how to draw portraits or sketch landscapes was how to “see” the world like an artist: how to read light/shadow, how to abstract shape, how to learn the “little tricks” that optically capture something and then know that the eye will put it together (such as using one simple line curved in the right way “popped out” an eyelid, or created the pupil and thus suggested the twinkle in that eye). It was really fun. And it gave me a lot of encouragement that I could draw like that too.

Chartres Cathedral, Watercolor, 48x36 - painted from a graphite rendering by myself
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

And I drew and drew and copied and copied from photographs, magazines, calendar images, advertisements, etc. Some of them weren’t exact - cause again I would get impatient with my details. But I tried. And I loved it.

And I went all the way through my High School years never once thinking I’m an artist. I even decided to do the art program in my Liberal Arts college and wanted to do graphic design to be “practical.” But I still didn’t see myself as “an artist”, as a creator, as a designer, or whatever. I was interested in the subject matter but not very talented (100% believed it). Everyone else was way better than me. ESP one of my good friends who had always grown up doing what normal artists did - lounging around the school lobby sketching his peers from life, going out into nature and rendering a perfect rabbit or deer. He was (and still is) an AMAZING real life artist. His paintings, sketches, renderings, you name it are incredible and lifelike. In fact he has been paid to sketch scientific illustrations for the Smithsonian - the kind that have to be so exact, down to the millemeter of particular species of animals or birds, it’s impressive.

But he was an artist. That’s the way artists should be.

But that was not me in any way. I soon got very bored. And just kind of floated through college with not a lot of purpose, feeling instinctively that I was drawn to art but never gave myself permission, and didn’t know what to do. We had an eccentric professor who had been taught a specific watercolor technique from California/1950’s that taught all the advanced drawing/painting classes. I later learned this but at the time didn’t think too much about it. We were taught very specific techniques from him, as well as the tradition of plein air painting.

It was not until the France abroad my senior year in the fall that I finally got it —I don’t like plein air painting!! LOL! (But now I realize that’s where I get a lot of my “watercolor” influence now).

As I look back I realized I was frustrated and very bored with my college art classes. I didn’t know it at the time of course, but the lack of practical guidance and individual encouragement to find one’s own “personal style” was completely void. You either learned how to paint like this professor or you got B’s. Well I got B’s. So I thought I was no good and therefore didn’t understand it because I felt like I was painting like I was “supposed to” but there was nothing I could understand or hold onto concept-wise. I never did know what I was doing or what I was supposed to do. It was uber frustrating!

On the France abroad fall of my senior year, we would visit towns in the south along our route and by the time we got to the Dordogne area, I was so angry at my professor because it was just a freakin guessing game. He would come over to each of us and talk about things but it was abstract to me or way too specific. For some reason I wasn’t getting it and still after 4 years I didn’t have a clue what he wanted from me.

I was so upset I just picked up my stuff and headed back to my hotel room (which earned me a BIG FROWN from him). In the peace and quiet, I popped in a CD I had made of Mozart (yes no apple devices yet - this was well over a [two] decades ago!).

Honfleur Chapel, Watercolor, 8x10 - Kathryn Neale Studio © 2002. All Rights Reserved.

And an amazing thing happened. I completely let go. I created a painting that was a conversation in my head with the professor. I did everything that he “didn’t want me to do” and when asked “why?,” I responded “I DON’T CARE!!”. The result was something I had NEVER produced before. And I had no idea what to make of it. It was a church, a church from memory (even though I have a terrible memory) but it was . . . abstract to me. And completely foreign.

After I made it, I stared and stared. I felt incrementally that I had made something different that this was a “turning point” but still couldn’t decide what to make of it. There was this . . . . SHIFT. I certainly felt good, felt relieved and felt like this was mine. I didn’t feel that I liked it necessarily but it was still like “did I just do that?”

Every night we would all gather together for a “show and tell.” I had labored back and forth whether to bring it down and finally I thought “F-it! who cares! that’s what I did today so everyone can just be mortified. I put it down with all the other beautiful creations. And held my breath. I watched as one by one my art colleagues and friends passed it by. They would nod and smile and point at other friend’s work and say “nice job!” or “I love that!” “wow!” but not one word about my little painting. Not one word. They didn’t know what to make of it.

And then out of no where, a voice beside my ear whispered, “Katy, did you make that?” I spun around face to face with none other then my . . . professor!! I gulped. “YES.” There was this a long, pregnant pause . . . . . . and then he whispered, “well I would like to see MORE of that!”

WHAT?!?! What? I don’t think I heard you? MORE OF THAT?! More of WHAT? I was stunned.

That was it! That was all my church painting got in a response. And I was completely bewildered. I was 100% positive I would get reprimanded and or worse, just ignored. But I got a response! And not just any response but a whole-hearted positive encouragement!

**********************************************************************************************************************************

Well I can’t tell you the ending to this story because there was no such thing until years later when I finally concluded I had to make art (even though I still wasn’t “an artist). I wish I could say that I went on to create all these paintings and came out of college bursting with energy and confidence because I was a painter!!! an artist! But that’s not how life is. This painting was subtle, so subtle I barely missed it. But it lingered there, waiting for me to acknowledge it.

Japanese Bagoda, Watercolor, 48x36 - Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

Jazz Ensemble from New Orleans, Watercolor, 48x36
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

I spent the rest of the abroad not knowing what the hell I was doing still, totally in a muffle because to be honest, I had no clue how I made that thing! You think that’s stupid to say but I had spent all of my young adult life thinking there was only one way to be an artist (sound familiar?) To suddenly turn that around took a great deal of self-confidence and time.

At the end of the semester my professor pulled me aside and asked why he hadn’t seen anymore work like the church I had made? I told him honestly I didn’t know what I was doing and didn’t know if I could recreate that.

Thankfully the next spring semester was a senior project where we could work on art that we wanted to do. That was the semester where I really experimented with my new style. And guess what? I LOVED IT! LOVED IT LOVED IT!

Stonehenge Series, Pastel, 48x36
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

I remember clearly one incident with my good friend (you remember the guy I grew up with in High School that made all those awesome “real-life” scientific drawings?”). My professor came over to his work that day that was very detailed, perfectly drawn with the animals, perspective, beautiful layering of paint, etc. and they discussed very specifically that the palm tree leaves in front needed to “go back further in space.” They were too forward, and need to recede. very specific and very exact.

Then professor came over to me and stood there for a couple seconds, and finally just said “that dark blob there? Looks good! But this area - needs something . . . . a bit more . . . . ” I beamed. Yes! We were FINALLY speaking the same language! Wow!

Stonehenge, Oil on canvas, 8x10
Kathryn Neale Studio © 2005. All Rights Reserved.

My friend immediately sauntered over to what I was working on and just shook his head, “Courageous Kate . . . you have a lot more courage then I do!” hah! I just laughed feeling suddenly very free. No matter how hard he tried, I believed he couldn’t paint like me - I had found some magical recipe only for me!

I found out later from my professor after that semester and it school was over, he confided in me that he actually wanted to create more abstract work like mine (like mine?!?! what the heck?) He said that all of his life he thought “true art” was what he was taught from his master teachers. And he loved it. But later in life he realized he got so bored with it all and never really “got” the abstraction movement that paralleled his life but late in life realized that was the real challenge. And he felt he couldn’t cross that bridge. It was actually too foreign, too scary? I was shocked. He seemed, regretful and almost sad. He congratulated me for doing it and said to keep going.

I look back at this whole experience clearly grateful for it. It was not earth-shattering by any means. And I realize too that with all my frustrations with my professor, at least he recognized something unique in me. Even if he himself didn’t know how to keep bringing it out of me then. He still recognized it and encouraged me to explore that way of painting. That I will never forget.

I give this professor FULL CREDIT and am grateful to him every single day I get into the studio. He taught me the watercolor aesthetic & encouraged me in that moment when I needed it most. It was my own journey, it took quite a while, but this truly was a turning point. I went on to create many more types of paintings in this “new style” - even a set of pastels based on Stonehenge photos I took while I visited the real circle. This series just poured out of me. It was easy, new and I couldn’t get enough of it. Over the years I experimented in oil too - eventually quitting my corporate job to pursue a Masters in the middle of cornfields 4 years later.

to be continued . . . .

_______________________

I originally posted this back in 2015. And this experience below was from 13 years before the post. As I read through it now, I’m over 40 years old, with a much deeper appreciation of my experience with more perspective. I wish I could sit here in stillness, frozen in this moment and go back to these days of constant self-exploration, questioning, journaling and painting. Guess that comes with the “wisdom” of age, by the time we can again spend full days contemplating our creative process, hopefully we can still physically lift a paintbrush! But even now, if I get 30 minutes of precious painting time, it’s a gift. But any extra time like sitting to finish this post, I have to force myself to reflect because all I want to do is take the time to paint.

I look back and am so jealous of my young self - so much TIME to spend on working on this. Today, TIME is barreling past like 130 mph train with no stops and very few “slow” times. I wish I could spend each and everyday in my studio, pushing myself, challenging myself and growing creatively. I know it will always be there for me. I will never question that moment again and now on a mission to help others discover their own inner-artist capabilities.

Creativity is everywhere. Process is everywhere. There never is a destination. Like my professor from years ago, we all have our own fears and insecurities no matter what age. The “wisdom” comes in taking a few moments here and there to practice one’s own creativity. It’s never too late. I now disagree with my old professor, no matter what age you are, you can overcome fear and insecurity and try something new, trust in yourself and be playful, in the moment and free! :D For we all are reflections of the One True Creator - it’s inevitable! All we have to do is believe and try!

Stonehenge, Watercolor, 48x36, Kathryn Neale Studio © 2003. All Rights Reserved.

Winding down from busy Summer months

These last few weeks have been slowing down - like I’m on a carousel that is finally making those last rotations before it stops. it takes me a while to “recalibrate” back into my studio, and it usually begins with a quiet restlessness. I find myself sitting in my studio first, going through old magazines, cutting images out to paste in my notebooks, sorting, re-organizing and finally cleaning up my studio. Definitely a good fall habit as I start to muse over what inspires me first.

This might take days, weeks or perhaps even a month or two. To transition from the busy, sun-drenched long days of summer with so much intense activity for myself & my three guys (2 boys & a husband. . . .). SO MUCH ACTIVITY. For an introvert, I need SPACE (literally, mentally, emotionally) to press the “pause” button to just “BE.” Usually I would require this frequently, throughout the day or week, but I’ve had to adapt as lots of mothers do, to grabbing minutes, moments every other day/week or month. Lately I’ve been totally engrossed in a series of fantasy-thrilling novels reading on my tiny screen on my phone but even that is blessed time that I am grateful for at night while boys go to sleep.

I LOVE looking through all my material, either books or magazines like I mentioned. I am on the computer all day long for my job as a UX Designer, so I tend to prefer nondigital sources. I look at whatever inspires me - the actual decoration of a plate, a pattern of a curtain, lots and lots of color palettes, wallpaper or textile patterns, professional ocean landscapes, golf photos, magazine layouts etc. And then I know the restlessness is starting to flutter in bigger ripples when I start day-dreaming of color pallets and decorating rooms in my house etc. Or perhaps day-dreaming of buying new clothes in this color or that style, etc. Or even taking out my cook books to begin making notes and tucking the corners of recipes, admiring those beautiful photos of food on a stylized table, etc.

I know deep down that I am not actually going to DO any of these things - travel to Scotland (like I’ve wished all my life), revamp decorating my bedroom, buying new clothes or cooking the 40 recipes that look inspiring in my favorite cookbook.

What I am doing, is igniting the creative process within me. Waking it back up.

It’s like waves, the first are tiniest ripples, then energy is generated stronger then before, I dream and that ignites more moments of inspiration, then it links to other areas of my life and before I know it, I am training my eye to drink in as much color, pattern, line etc. to start to brand it into my conscious brain. In order to paint I must FEEL inspired. But what does that actually mean? What is inspiration? Why does painting have to start with feeling inspired? or does it truly?

Many artists would say they paint even if they don’t feel inspired because it’s the work ethic, it’s showing up every day in the studio to practice and keep practicing (like the piano or basketball) and I certainly respect that when it’s one’s own lifeline, one’s work or career. That is very admirable and impressive.

But I don’t have that luxury or haven’t chosen that life. For me, painting has to be fun, playful and joyful, otherwise in my busy life I would NEVER do it. There’s too many things in my life that are routine, that are what I “have to do,” what’s “expected of me,” what’s “my responsibility,” etc. Painting is for me, and me alone. It’s just a mindset to slip into in a few moments, to try my intuition and see if it works today. Many days it does not but there’s no harm in that, there’s nothing at stake - no one cares. Truly. It’s meditation. It’s faith. It’s being grateful in the moment. It’s . . . . spiritual . . . . for me at least. And ultimately it’s thanking God for momentary creative expression. And then it’s just practice. Over and over and over and over. That’s it.

I get excited because I am “due” for another series of work. It’s time. I’m also excited because there are fun endeavors I hope to accomplish and work on this year. But that will come later.

For now, I’ll just spend a few minutes sitting in my studio. :D

New #100 Day Project Starts February 13th!!

New #100dayproject starts!!! Wahoo! I’m going to try to finish it this year! Come join me! :D

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dothe100dayproject

#The100DayProjectstarts on February 13. If you’re still deciding on your project, here are a few helpful tips:

Brainstorm! What are you curious about, what do you love to do, what would you like to learn or what skills would you like to develop, what would you like to accomplish? Now you have a ton of inspiration for what your project might be!

Find your why: Examine your reason for doing the project this year – are you doing it to have fun, to work on a skill, or to work towards an outcome? Having a clear why will help keep you focused when the project inevitably gets boring or difficult (working through it is part of the project!).

Give it a try: Once you’ve narrowed down your project, take it on a test run to see if it’s something you’ll actually want to do every day for 100 days (yes, every day). A little experimenting before we start will help you see where you might want to tweak or simplify your project.

Make a plan: Decide what “counts”. It’s up to you! Some days you’ll have more time and energy than other days, so you might have a range of what you consider as working towards your project. Some of you might want to plan a prep day every week, for example.

When you’ve decided on your project, it’s time to announce it to your friends and followers. You can use this graphic or create your own, or share an image of your tools or workspace, or anything you want! Use the hashtag#the100dayprojecton your posts so other people can find you. (Side note: we’re at over 1.9 million !! posts on Instagram – do you think we can cross 2 million this year?!).

Any questions? Post them in the comments! In case you missed it: you can watch the Q&A a few posts back from here and find frequently asked questions on the website at the100dayproject.org.

💓@lindsayjeanthomson

Circle Foundation Art Catalog Online & Solo Online Exhibition

Current Publication "Spotlight," Circle Foundation
(Contemporary Art Magazine), Version 25
Online Group Exhibition - circlefoundation.org

Current Publication - printed and virtual
Online Group Exhibition

Biafarin "New Works" Solo Online Exhibition, Toronto, Canada

Online Exhibition "SoloS Exhibition"
June 29th - July 29th, 2021, Biafarin.com, Toronto, Canada.

Solo Online Exhibition "Exhibitionzone.com,"
Current, Biafarin.com, Toronto, Canada.

Click to view
Solo Art Poster
Online Virtual Publication

"Abstracted Abstraction" Group Show at St. Louis Artists' Guild

"Abstracted Abstraction: All Media Exhibition,"
Group Exhibition for St. Louis Artists' Guild
July 30th-August 28, 2021, Clayton, MO

Click to VIEW VIRTUAL ART SHOW TOUR

"Pattern," Manifest Gallery Group Show

Thrilled to have one of my brand new pieces, Floral IV (Patterned Series), as one of the 12 chosen artists (out of 117 artists submitted and out of 479 entries),
to be included in the prestigious Manifest Gallery’s “Pattern” exhibition in Cincinnati, OH.

Exhibition runs July 9th - August 6th, 2021

Virtual Tour

Week 3 - 100 Day Project 2019

Week 3 came and went! I felt this was a fun week with lots of “gardens” inspiring me - spring has finally sprung here in St. Louis, so lots of green, foliage, flowers etc. I’m sure that influenced this work this week.

Day 12 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 13 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

This day (13 above) had to be “worked on” as I kept making decision after decision that was just “OK.” Finally, after adding the dark indigo wash in the background, I turned the entire piece upside down, and it popped! FINALLY. I wrote a post about this in my Instagram feed but, HUGE TIP to all artists: Remember to rotate, rotate, rotate your artworks around and around. Obviously this works for abstraction, but then things start to “charge” and there’s a new energy about them when rotating at the very end. Most often I am completely finished with the painting but I rotate just in case. Often, I find the rotation “finishes” that piece & I love it even more. This was one of those examples where it did come together literally last minute. Otherwise, it was getting busier and busier LOL!

Day 14 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 15 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 16 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Still working a lot with gold paint and gold circles as a motif, experimenting and deciding what’s working and not. There are some of my favorites this week, like the pink one (Day 16 flowed and came together with the mandala in the background). I hope to do more sacred geometry exploring but I have to get ahead with working out the geometry designs because they take time.

Day 17 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

This last day above, (17), was another example of getting too busy! But that’s one of my favorite challenging to work on is taking a preprinted piece of paper or wallpaper, or even fabric (like tablecloths) and start to “black areas out” so the pattern breaks up etc. It’s definitely a designers challenge, what to keep, what to delete basically so that it all can still come together without being overworked. This Day 17 was hair’s breath away from being “overworked.” Luckily I stopped and finalized few decisions before it got too far! :D

With all that being said, it’s important reminder every time to sit down to paint that nothing is set in stone. Every single decision can be changed. Even when you think things are inevitably going down the wrong track. You can never make a mistake. Mistakes can become precious commodities in paintings and to work through, work around or even delete if you want. But that mentality is key to keeping yourself moving forward.

And isn’t that similar to philosophy of life itself?! :D

Week 2 - 100 Day Project 2019

Week 2 has finished & feeling great! Next 5 days are posted here—still working with circles, metallic gold & copper paint (interesting to me), pattern and organic elements.

Day 7 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

It’s so interesting to me and now familiar, that it seems like once I start one of these projects, I “experiment” but I also THINK I’m experimenting and somehow unconsciously revisit some of my motifs, combinations/solutions of previous works etc. It actually feels like I have to “get all of that out” of my system before something brand new for me shows up. And that usually happens around Day 50 it seems.

I expect that same kind of cycle to happen this year but that’s only because I anticipate it after doing this project for 3 full years already. It’s a really poignant reminder that time/progress/life/experience etc. is not linear. It is cyclical.

Day 8 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Artists talk a lot I feel like about being “in the flow” which reminds me of how an athlete might refer to being “in the zone.” And again, it’s a great reminder that the flow comes and goes and to trust that process and what a perfect metaphor for life. Life is not linear. Life is cyclical. And oftentimes lately, I feel like it’s multiple circles going all at the same time.

I posted this on my instagram page for Day 8 because Day 8 & 9 (personally for me) did not feel like I was as “in the flow” as other days.

There’s always a certain “flow” that seems to occur when I first get going in these projects and then I try something new and I feel I overwork a piece. This one def is in that direction for me, some decisions were more “hesitant” but I’ve done this enough times that I recognize the process. I flipped it upside down & here I feel more “magic” is happening for me but some parts still look awkward to me. But that is part of the bargain. That just means forging new territory & again, trusting in ones instincts, practicing and preparing so that the 11th one down the line just “comes out!” - like an athlete “in the zone!”
I tried to post both images but of course Instagram forced both images to be square so it cut off edges of both pieces which is not worth it to me. 
How do you all deal with more awkward results? Forge ahead yes?

As I’m typing this I’m realizing perhaps that’s why I’m into this “circle” motif lately! There’s a lot going on in life, it seems like in all of our modern lives, I feel that when I follow someone on Instagram, read their posts or watch a youtube, most people refer to their lives being so fast in motion, it’s such a challenge to “find time.” That seems to be my mantra. And to make choices at this time in my life that I have to say “no” to all the time because it’s just too much.

I was explaining the other day to my sister (who is 6.5 yrs older then me so she gives me a lot of perspective which so helpful), that during this time in our lives when we are going through our 30’s, we are in the career/job mode, and we have little kids most often during this time now. And it seems like every single thing I do is 1) something I do not want to do 2) something I HAVE to do 3) if it’s something I have to do it’s never at the TIME I would prefer to do it and 4) rarely is it for myself.

Day 9 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

No wonder many people hit 40 and seem to go through a “mid-life crisis!” And I absolutely love and adore my children so that’s not the issue, it’s just a lot of things, like normal generation of moms now who have to work plus be primary caretaker without additional family/community support etc.

This project is a beautiful reminder of choosing something I love to do - even if it’s just 10-15 min a day. And to see the results as a physical painting is rewarding at this time.

So thank you for following me & supporting me with my artwork through past several years. It’s a privilege at this point to sit down to do anything with my artwork. Someday, it will be the primary focus and I will set boundaries like it’s my work.

But for now, I’m very grateful.

Day 1 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

100 Day Project 2019 - Week 1

So the 100 day project is off to a great start! To follow check out #the100dayproject on Instagram - the creative projects are amazing! And it’s anything and everything. My tag is “@KathrynJNeale” if you want to follow me.

My first strategy for the 100 day is always collage. Collage is my favorite “go-to” method for jump-starting any creative project just to get the creative juices flowing. Mainly because it’s fast. I already have a pile of cut-out pieces and different paper etc. from other previous projects that I’ve held onto for years. If you have magazine cutouts, photographs, pretty paper that you’ve kept, this is fabulous for quick collage work.

Originally, I wanted to actually study more sacred geometrical forms and then add them into my artwork for this project. But life is happening (I already missed 3 days of work last week due to oldest being sick then youngest being sick, so we all just have to roll with the punches right?). I hope to start to eventually incorporate those images into my work but for now, I just wanted. to start. Beginning any project is the hardest part.

Day 2 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

So I grabbed my compass thing (forgot what it’s called) and wanted to just start working with the simplest form, a circle. So here are the first 5 days working slowly with the concept of a circle and then collaging some elements into it. I’ve used cut paper, pastel, acrylic paint, chalk paint, and ink and pencil. The newest element that I’ve wanted to start experimenting with is gold and copper paint. So I’m beginning to experiment with these elements.

All artwork will be available in my shop for purchase. Email me if you are interested in a work that I haven’t put into my store yet - katy@kathrynneale.com).

Stay tuned for more coming this week!

Day 3 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 4 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Day 5 - 100 Day Project 2019 © Kathryn Neale Studio. All Rights Reserved.

Process of Making "French Teal" 2018

I thought it might be fun to take one of my new pieces and show the development over last summer that I did, step by step because each painting that I work on goes through a LOT of changes. And I think it’s important to document those changes.

So here’s the first piece I choose from last summer’s works, “French Teal.” (interested in the original or art print? click here).

It certainly has become an integral part of my work as I paint myself, I seem to constantly take photos of my artwork in each stage because it helps me so much to make decisions about the next step. Because I don’t have a big studio by any means (in my basement currently), I cannot “step back” to “see” the entire picture. And the larger I work the harder it becomes to see the big picture.

So photos definitely help me look at the painting in different ways. I can also go back and see all the changes and how far I’ve really come in those decisions. It’s very helpful to my process.

This work above, “French Teal” is one of my new paintings that is relatively large, 30”x30”.

I love to work in a square format since that lends itself to the most opportunities in an abstract sense. I can rotate and rotate and rotate it around and it seems to have more options in the square format. Portrait is vertical, so that lends itself to a “person” feeling. Landscape is horizontal and that also has that “landscape” feel to it. So there’s restrictions or constructs even within the shape that I start with from the very beginning.

My first photo of this piece is this image (even though I thought I had taken a slightly earlier one of this painting right before the white area). These early stages I have been working with stencils in this series of works, so I started with the stencils in the first layer for this piece (instead of adding it much later in other pieces). I also love to use the stencil and “reuse” it and “reuse” it without adding paint. I feel it lends itself to a more abstract and imperfect mark-making process - using the stencil like a brush (which I do a lot in my latest works either a stencil or a stenciled roller etc). The pattern “breaks” up and I’m left with marks as the leftover paint is transferred back on the surface on top of each other etc.

There’s a lot of steps I skipped actually (sometimes I take photos of each layer) but between the first photo and this photo, I already “decided” what I was going to do. A Lot of times I take photos when I’m not sure what my next step might be & the photos help me visualize.

So I took couple different stencil motifs to weave in together the stencil patterns and (what I call) “freestyle painting” which is my organic, abstract mark-making painterly marks.

After adding more organic elements, I decided to jump in and create that white” space because the blue was already getting a little “heavy” to me. But in this next step, you can see that I did not want to create a sharp separation of one big white area layering on top of the teal blue area full of organic elements. I have already explored that strategy quite extensively in my Window Series & Tablecloth Series in my graduate work.

Here I start to “blend” and layer on the white stenciled work into to build multiple layers of teal and white to unify the entire piece.

I also wanted to build layers within the white space itself. So there’s starting to be a bridge between those 2 spaces in this piece.

As you can see, each photo can be rotated into a different view which also helps me as I work through the painting process. Here, I added some purple wash to create a little more dimension. White is a very “forward” color that “pops” out. It also can create a kind of blank feel and one of my favorite tendencies in painting is to always find how I can create more texture into my work. Building the wash organically pulls some white elements forward naturally and pushed them also back into space with the wash.

Another view as I added darker purple areas to the piece. I tend to take more photos of each layer as I know the piece is starting to be finished. I say this all the time in my process, but the beginning is bursting with all sorts of decisions, 100’s even that feels very freeing (sometimes intimidating) but hardly anything can go “wrong” in that space. There’s really no mistakes.

As the piece moves toward feeling more and more finished, each decision is more weighted for me. Any decision can completely change the balance of the piece and it will either “finish” it for me, or make it so that I see the next one or two steps to work towards finishing.

The end of the piece is a constant balance of testing a few marks or decision or whatever, and stepping back to see how it feels and fits into the total. And then leaving it for few days or perhaps weeks, to see if it “sits” well.

“French Teal,” acrylic, chalk paint on canvas, 30”x30”, 2018.
Copyright All Rights Reserved Kathryn Neale Studio.

And finally the finished piece. After I added couple organic washes of “copper” to pop few areas and then also added some pure white patterned motif in the “white” area for added layering

Yes! I'm still here!

Hello friends! Yes! I’m still here and gearing up for a whole lot of content coming on board here pretty soon (so get ready!) as I am back in the studio, completing a commission, working on a second commission, and (drum roll please!), the next 100 DAY PROJECT is just around the corner!

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, click here for this post that goes back to the original post I did back in 2015 about the original project. Then it was way more grass-roots/organic on the Instagram and now a group in San Francisco has taken it on as an annual social media movement every year that begins in April and ends in July. Even if you don’t participate in anything, the projects and the stuff people do for 100 days is just AMAZING! (not just “creative” but all sort of stuff).

But I look forward to this now every year but it really does give me a jump start into the summer to get back into the habit of painting and sketching. And it seems to be a really good time (even though it’s super busy ending school and heading into summer), the energies of the Spring Equinox coming out of winter, to grow and to start moving forward, is just such a positive place to start a project that it ends up working well.

The only “hiccup” was last year when my son was born literally 2 days after it started (April 4th), and even though I had already worked through about the first 20 days, I couldn’t keep up with the project for 2018. I though that I would have “plenty of time” to finish it by end of the year, but let’s be honest. That DID NOT HAPPEN!

So lots of fun and exciting stuff starting to happen. I also wanted to get a Spring Cleaning done with selling off a lot of my artwork that’s been around in my inventory for a while. We will see if I can fit that in! :D

In the Studio: Not much yet!

Continuing with January’s theme of “hunkering down” & “laying low” this winter, there’s not much happening in my studio …yet. I’m definitely out of my routine in my everyday life which means creatively, there’s no way I feel inspired to do anything in the studio. After weeks of a sick baby, sleepless nights, the coldest winter ever so far here in STL and 22 days of no sun, it’s hard to keep my mood elevated and “happy” this winter.

We also recently had a health scare with out littlest guy, which just this week he has been cleared of possible hydrocephalus (“water in the brain”). I didn’t realize how heavily that weighed on me these past 5 weeks until the doctor called yesterday evening to say all is well. I am so unbelievably grateful, as I was gearing myself up for this new curve ball that life was apparently going to throw us because of course my husband and I would do whatever it took for our baby boy. But that would’ve been a very different life, and perhaps even a more limited lifestyle as he would not have been encouraged to be as active.

But today is a bright new day (even though it’s the 3rd day in a row of rain and clouds), I finally feel energized and so incredibly grateful. We can now just tease him that he has a large head (which our entire family is known for, especially father’s side) but I would take the teasing for the rest of this life any day then the serious diagnosis from a couple days ago. Thank you Universe! So grateful.

These things happen to all of us. I love when others open up about their personal lives and it’s difficult for me because I do feel protective of my family and normally private. But we all have our up’s and down’s. And we all are going through something. Being compassionate to ourselves is #1. I have not felt like doing any painting for weeks now. Sometimes life happens to us and that’s ok. I have to trust my own process because it takes energy to create, that’s a simple fact. And without that inspired energy, it becomes something else on my “to do” list that I inevitably stress out about.

I admire artists actually who “get to do” art for their living and that’s when talking about showing up to the studio is a real practice even if you don’t feel like it, it’s part of the daily routine. You have to show up then. Even when it’s not what you feel like doing.

But it also can translate into “work,” and since I already have a full time job and am raising a young family, art to me right now in my life should not feel like work. Some day I will love to transition into some parts of my job actually producing more art - what a fantastic opportunity! But for now, I have to trust my own intuition and process and know that very, very soon, I’ll feel like taking up the brush again.

What is exciting is that I have a couple commissions that I am going to be working on and will be excited to share my process throughout the next several weeks. I have a commission that I need to complete (which I’m almost finished with) and can’t wait to share that process, the idea and inspiration and the final product.

I also am anticipating the 100 Day Project which usually launches every spring each year sometime in April. I love participating in this project online through Instagram because it does jump-start the creative process. So if you

Finally, I am tinkering around with the idea of offering a “Spring Cleaning SALE” of my artwork to encourage the idea of “out with the old in with the new!” I have some older original artwork that I would love to find homes for instead of hanging out in storage. So I hope to launch that sometime next month.

There’s several ideas percolating and I sincerely love the incubation process. The possibilities are endless and I know I’m close to working in the studio when I start to visualize the possibilities of different projects in my head and feeling that excitement feeling which will eventually keep bubbling up until finally, I have to get it out! It’s inevitable.

And now that everyone in our family is healthy, happy and in their routines at school, work, and home, I finally feel like I can breathe a bit, hunker down, do some projects around the house that have been a couple years overdue, and clean out the studio. Looking forward to spring even though we still have a bit more to go here.

Hunkering down this winter

Happy New Year!

It came as no surprise to myself that I have been a little MIA entire month of December. The holidays ARE crazy. Lots and lots of fun building up to Christmas. And with my 5 year old son now, it was SO much fun. We watch holiday movies, sing holiday songs, went to Grinch on Christmas Day and saw Santa at Breakfast. We called Santa for requests for new shoes and a truck. Attended a lovely candlelight eve service to remind us of spirit of this holiday and sing carols. And watched Santa Christmas Eve deliver his gifts all over the globe. SO much fun.

But it was a whirlwind! Both my husband and I had to sub and work during the holidays so there was no “time off.” And our kids had a full month off from daycare/school (which is unique and annoying) so trying to balance who taking which kid, staying home a day, taking Grant to work during work etc. it was definitely “juggling with all the balls” in the air so-to-speak.

We have a very small family so Christmas has been a little tough in the past trying to figure out how to celebrate in a nice way that still means something. Now with our kids, I am figuring out the traditions and what to pass on. Christmas always reminds us of those who are no longer with us - my mother-in-law and my dad. It’s bittersweet to have space to remember during each year, but also sad to feel sense of loss.

But this year was unique in that the weekend after Christmas, we had my brother-in-law come into town with his wife to through all his family a gender-reveal party for their first expected in May. THAT was FUN. All the cousins were there for a full weekend so who knows when that will happen again. But it was a blast (exhausting but a blast for all of us). Ended up being 8 kiddos on Saturday and 6 throughout the weekend.

It’s also time of the Winter Solstice, trying to “pause.” Although I never feel ready to do so until after the hectic time of the holidays until now, January. I know I’m not alone in this, it’s our culture today.

Today & this weekend we have a rare treat for St. Louis - a snowstorm coming. Most of the predicted storms (even thunderstorms) are so hit or miss here. If you are weather person here in STL you don’t get much respect (LOL!) It’s very difficult to predict and so most of the dire predictions are met with a lot of skepticism. We shall see but it looks pretty legit that we will be dumped on tonight and tomorrow.

I am actually excited though. To get an excuse to hunker down and stay put for a full 24+ hours will feel . . . nice.

My agenda for January originally was to pull together a clearance sale of my older artwork. But of course it’s already middle of January and . . . nothing. So I’m now thinking of an early “Spring sale!”

I was supposed to do all the holiday offerings but it gets so wild and crazy in Nov/Dec and I feel like all I’m doing is jumping on the same bandwagon as everyone else. I am completely overwhelmed and bombarded by so much merchandise, I’m positive any of my audience is with me here too.

So I’ve decided to just sit quiet and start to think about how I would like to offer sales during this time. And it might just be concentrated on Black Friday and then that’s it. Nothing for December unless it’s last minute sales to ship.

I also have a few commissions to work on and one that I’ve been “working on” for months that I need to FINISH. This is about the time when I get very inspired and start to imagine all the possible series of works I could start/finish and there’s a newness and freshness about it.

This year I will complete the 100 day project again (last year I had to stop after Day 20 because of my son being born right at the beginning. I though perhaps I could “catch up” throughout the rest of the year but (LOL!) wishful thinking with taking care of an infant (who has had troubles sleeping) with a 5 year old.

Other than that, not much actually planned except a new possible project with my very talented sister but more on that later.

I will get back on track with blogs starting next week but wanting to check in and still confirm we are still alive! Just had to take a break.

Hope everyone had a lovely holiday season and New Year.

Tip 3 - Practice not Perfection (10 Tips to Jump-Start Your Abstract Paintings)

Friends often ask me how they might start painting in an abstract way because it feels so intimidating to them. I started to think back to my art experience and found that I have 10 tips to help jump start any 2D creative abstract project.

Here is Tip 3 out of 10 for "How to Jump-start Abstract Paintings Practice."

If you are following along my blog posts about "How to Jump-start a Practice in Abstract Painting," here is "Tip 2, Materials & Mark-Making." (click here for Tip 1 - Ugly Paintings).

Art-making (any art-making) is a practice just like anything else. The more you practice, the better you get.

One of my favorite ( well-known) quotes by Picasso is:

“It took my 4 years to paint like Raphael and a lifetime to paint like a kid again.”

What does this really mean? Child-likeness brings such wonderment, delight, freedom and energy to any activity. When we think of our own children or kids that we know and are around, we witness their total abandonment of any fear or uncertainty because they still haven’t reached that “self-awareness” stage. Everything is new and exciting to their minds, and it's all about exploration.

In its essence, to me, it is a reminder of being engaged in the moment of creating: no worries, no fears, no distractions or self-criticism. We are in the “zone” of creating and reacting to what is in front of us without judgment. Afterwards, there is a space where we can judge if something is "working" or "not working," but that safe space is sacred and must be fostered with care.

Trust in yourself. Access your inner-kid that’s still in you. You might be surprised!

One of my favorite exercises that I first participated in 2015 was "The 100 Day Project." Basically the idea is to take something that you would like to do or learn and do it every single day for 100 days.

I referenced this video in my last post about mark-making, but this is the Day 1 of

You might have heard of this project encouraged on social media (especially Instagram) by the visionary artist, Elle Luna. At the time, in 2015, it was the perfect project for me to jump back into practicing painting (I hadn’t painted for almost 2.5 years due to having my son). I needed something with a little structure (but not too much or I wouldn’t do it!).

I choose to do a painting each day for 20 minutes or less. Twenty minutes because that seemed to be a logical time span for me to feel like I accomplished something, a “sketch.” It also was enough time to sustain the threat of boredom if going too long but more importantly, combated any overwhelm I might have put on myself to bite off more than I could chew. For first time in a while, it seemed actually doable and practical.

Ideally, I set everything out and kept everything out on my designated studio table (which I feel has always been a KEY element to my creative process - the paints, the water, the brushes, the paper or canvas boards, etc are never picked up. All I would do was come downstairs to my basement studio and pick it up and start the timer on my iPhone.

All-in-all each day took about 30 minutes of my time. And if I missed one or two days, it was doable to do three 20-minute sessions in a Saturday night (I didn’t think too much of it). By the end, I wasn’t even using up my entire 20 minutes, most of the work was around or under 15 minutes.

It was different for me because I am used to working on several pieces at once and yet this exercise forced me to work fast, from beginning to end and keep at it for the full 20 minutes and then to decide that I was finished.

The "finished" part might be the most challenging part of any artist but especially a newer artist. How do you know when you are finished? This exercise, over and over and over, allows a newer artist to experiment and not think about it. Literally when my iPhone timer went off, I put down my brush and walked away.

I found I've always been a quicker thinker and a faster artist, especially my latest abstract series, the decisions I make are much faster. And this exercise allowed me to experiment though, with even faster and faster decisions! Yes, some of them were horrid - in that they were not the best decision for that painting or that layer or whatever.

And I also found that it was a challenge because I could never have enough time to allow a layer of paint for example to dry. Which is key in my artwork.

But that opened up a much greater field of experimentation and a lot of it was with new materials and wet-to-wet approaches and even mixing traditional dry mediums into wet ones (aka pastel into watercolor/acrylic washes etc.).

I have now participated in this project every year since 2015. It has been something to look forward to as a critical opportunity for me to dive in and make some progress with my artwork. And each year each 100 couldn't be more different. There are so many different kinds of sketches and a lot of them end up looking like a part of a series because I finally land on something that keeps my interest.

I have found that it takes at least through the first 25 if not 50 days to finally find my "groove" where the "flow" happens. After Day 50, it consistently seems like I just sit down and let it all come out and I can see that ebb and flow visually in the entire series.

I will always highly recommend doing this type of project and sticking to it. There are millions of people out there especially on Instagram, who do these projects and some of them do a painting a day entire year or even have done if for years and years. The fun aspect of that is to post the image no matter what.

Practice not perfection.

Remember this is just like a visual journal of your thoughts and ideas, the process, the bits & pieces and impressions that you have in that moment in that day. These are NOT finished pieces or even well thought-out compositions. The point of this type of exercise is to hone your own intuition and to allow you to trust yourself.

Trust me. You will get better.

My son just began his first piano lesson last Wednesday. He is five years old. I played piano all my life for about 18 years before I finally stopped practicing after college when I didn't have access to a piano.

I look at my son and yes, I can help him, but how in the world does a piano teacher start a five year old on piano? Well, you guessed it, practice, practice, practice, practice. And practice some more. And practice and practice.

He will not be "perfect" at his little piano piece for a very long time. But all of a sudden, after days and weeks and months of practicing and memorizing the placement of the keys and the order and what they mean etc., a song will suddenly come out!

I think those of us who think we are not artists, have this misconception that artists just sit down and it just comes out. The only person I ever read that actually did that was Mozart. And he was a freaking genius.

So this 100 Day exercise allows us to visually practice. The only difference between my son and you, is that you have a visual "record" of your practice. Whereas, there isn't anything materially created from practicing piano.

But that would be the case with any other art or craft form, or even cooking or baking. Practice not perfection.

And remember the little kid inside you. Take the pressure off yourself. Again, you don't need to show anyone if you don't want to. These sketches are just for you.

But if you every wanted to join me, the 100 Day Project seems to be going every year so far, so the next one will most likely start in April - July. I would love to go on the journey with you because the more the merrier and the more support, the more likely you will finish the project.

Check out my projects here and some of my earlier blog posts about my process for the first 100 Day project. I hope to invest more time and energy in the 2019 upcoming project.

(My 2018 project only made it through Day 20 because my second son was born April 4th right at the beginning so I couldn't finish it in time! Perhaps I'll finish it before the next one starts!).

If you do end up trying this on your own, I highly recommend the timed part of the exercise. No more then 20 minutes a session. And stick to it! You will be amazed at your decision-making process and how much more efficient you get by Day 50!

And please tag me on Instagram so I can comment on your progress! I would love to hear from you any questions you have during your journey.

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Blog Post - Day 75 - 2015

Blog Post - Day 25 - 2015

Blog Post - Day 18 - 2015

Pause for gratitude

I’m “pausing” my "10 Tips to Jump-Start your Abstract Paintings” articles to honor one of my favorite times of the year, Thanksgiving, here in the US.

It’s always such a great reminder not just to give thanks on a national holiday each year, but to make this a daily practice.

Just searching online today’s “Gratitude Movement,” Google indexed over 58,000,000 results. To say that this is a “movement” is an understatement I think. Maybe it’s a revolution!

But how do I really, truly and genuinely be grateful? But what does it really mean to you to be truly grateful?

I am so grateful for big things like my sons, (especially my youngest right now because we were close to not having a second kid!), my husband, my sister and my family and extended family. I am so grateful I get to do art (any kind of art, for fun or for even a project or consignment). I am grateful for my sons’ school situation, where they get tons and tons of love and attention, the teachers are inspiring and the community are just good people.

Those are the BIG THINGS. Like the overarching stuff.

Then there’s the “I am grateful for . . . BUT . . . “

I am grateful for my job because it pays the bills, I have tremendous flexibility and it is not stressful.

BUT. But it’s not what I want to do in that it’s customer service and order processing. It’s been a challenge (understatement) to come to terms with that being a creatively inclined person. It also has direct ties to family. And that’s been a challenge I won’t go into in this post. But it’s scary in any family business situation to put all of “our eggs in one basket” so to speak, because my husband also works for same company (he is technically my boss), so that comes with a different kind of stress as well-working with each other, bringing work home and home to work, and feeling like there’s no future either for me there.

I am grateful that my husband continuously wants to improve his professional life.

BUT. But it’s at the expense of working full time and AGAIN pursuing ANOTHER masters program. While we have two small children. And I feel AGAIN (for the 4th year in a row), like a single parent.

I am grateful for our house.

BUT. But it’s now feeling too small and crap is literally everywhere. With two kids and my husband never around because of his school on top of full time work, it’s endless. I am not the most organized person. I freely admit I’m pretty messy. But this is over the top even for myself. And the “messes” are not even my own AND they don’t even stay in the same room (like picking up clothes that belong in your closet in the bedroom vs finding a spatula in the bowels of your basement - how the hell did that get here? - and climbing all the way upstairs to put it back in the right kitchen drawer).

I am grateful for yoga and my yoga teacher training I did two years ago and for the teaching that I did a year ago.

BUT. But I haven’t touched a yoga mat since my prenatal yoga classes (a full year now) and i don’t see when I can get back soon because I cannot do anything for myself because my husband is not around to help even watch the kids for a night so I can do yoga.

I am so incredibly grateful for my youngest son. He’s brought so much joy into our lives and he’s just been with us 7 months! He smiles and laughs all the time and he’s so social and interested in everyone and everything around him. So much fun.

BUT. BUT right now he still doesn’t sleep! Like intermittent sleep, perhaps a solid 4 or maybe if lucky 6 hour block first. But then he’s up literally every 1:45 minutes the rest of the night. I still feel like I’m in newborn stage. And sometimes, I have such lack of total sleep that I cannot even focus my eyes on getting dressed in the mornings. My head hurts so much I have to completely “shut down” and I cannot even think about positive things I need to do like laundry, picking up the bedroom, putting away dishes, or even further, taking a yoga class, planning better meals to eat better, or even going downstairs to paint for 30 minutes (heaven forbid!)

I am grateful for my body. This body gave birth to two beautiful boys. That in and of itself is a soul-gut wrenching amazing miracle.

BUT. BUT, I still look like I’m 4 months pregnant with children asking me “what’s in there?” to a Panera Manager congratulating me on my pregnancy. I am still 30 lbs over my ideal weight and because of our second child not sleeping (see above), most days I cannot even process enough of my day to get through the day and night. I dread nights now because of lack of sleep. And I cannot “get ahead” enough to feel like I can actually plan out the next week to perhaps go on a diet to help me feel better about myself or even go to that yoga class!

I am grateful for my artwork.

BUT. But the truth of it is, I want to make it more then just a hobby and I want to make it a steady income, something I can be proud of because it’s always just been “oh that’s Katy doing that hobby art thing again” on the side. It’s a huge tension point in my marriage, and now that I have really taken steps to be “serious” about it, everything has completely dried up in that department! It’s like when I didn’t expect anything to happen, things (like sales specifically or opportunities to be accepted into art shows etc) happened. Now that I want things to happen, they have not.

And then…this quote hit me over the head this morning as I was preparing to write this post. “Nothing new can come into your life unless you are grateful for what you already have.” Right now. This moment. COMPLETE.

These are the things I need to hear and read most often. This post is written to myself. To be grateful is a complete thing right here right now. No “but’s,” EVER.

Genuine gratitude is simple. It is profound. It sinks deep into your bones. You have to sit with it and not only let it wash over you but to hit you with a sledge hammer. To allow anything else that’s positive and good in your life to come to you, you can’t be occupied with worry, anxiety or stress.

The “but’s” are all half empty, half full statements, indicating that sure, I am “grateful” for this or that but I could be REALLY REALLY grateful like 100% IF this or that was improved or showed up in my life.

No. Gratitude is a complete statement.

I am grateful for the air I breathe. There’s not “but’s” about that statement.

I am grateful for the sun that shines and gives light and life to our planet.

I am grateful I burst into happiness when my son giggles and laughs.

I am grateful for my sister, who is a soulmate in this lifetime to me.

I am grateful for my husband who has taught me so much already these past two decades together. It hasn’t been easy for sure, but what relationship is “easy” as long as it still is “worth it,” worth growing and learning about love.

I am grateful for my son Grant and for my son Trey, who both are the light and love of my life.

I look at these and realize, these gratitude statements are in fact affirmations. It’s very easy for me to feel the “completeness” of these statements, there’s no “but’s” or anything else to add or footnote.

And I finally realize as I end this post that it’s easy to turn around the “but” paragraphs above. Simply turn them around to affirmations. That they’ve already taken place in my life. There’s no other room for anything else BUT gratitude.

And I’m so grateful for Michael Bernard Beckwith for this quote. To remind me of this profound lesson in being grateful. It’s not for the superficial and it’s not just “an exercise.” It is a way of life, of seeing and being IN life, being IN the moment, here and now. And not to expect anything else in the future. To be grateful is a presence of mind.

Tip 2 - Mark-Making (10 Tips to Jump-Start Your Abstract Paintings)

Friends often ask me how they might start painting in an abstract way because it feels so intimidating to them. I started to think back to my art experience and found that I have 10 tips to help jump start any 2D creative abstract project.

Here is Tip 2 out of 10 for "How to Jump-start Abstract Paintings Practice."

If you are following along my blog posts about "How to Jump-start a Practice in Abstract Painting," here is "Tip 2, Materials & Mark-Making." (click here for Tip 1 - Ugly Paintings).

I think many novice artists are naive and think that all professional artists just wake up every day, turn "on" their creative juices and stuff just flows out!

In fact, before I identified myself as an artist and "became" an artist, I honestly didn't give much thought about how artists painted. I learned a lot in school through art history courses but most of those classes involved a lot of memorizing (which is not one of my strengths) dates, facts, styles, locations and history. Not a lot focused on the radical materials artists used, which often set him or her apart from other craftsman or artists at that time, and why they did that.

Materials are everything for an artist. Not only do they inform whatever art piece we are working on, they have their own context and own cultural significance just standing on their own.

Therefore, the choice to pick up charcoal, for example, is vastly different from painting with Utrecht oil paint.

The technique is also very different (think Raphael verses Monet).

Materials inform not only color choices or style, but are also infused with symbolism, cultural significance, context of wealth, power, religious undertones and nods to the ancient past, just to name a few.

An example of this is my Pompeii mixed media installation I did for one of my classes at graduate school. After visiting the real Pompeii in Italy, I was inspired to create my own wallpaper based on the fresco designs as well as create a video of my hands breaking down plaster pieces to signify the passage of time and cultural significance.

The materials of this piece were essential to the project. If I had used oil paint for the wallpaper, that would have a different context. If I used sand instead of plaster, that also would also have changed the context of my project.

The materials we use and experiment with are crucial to our painting process.

The super fun part though, is that basically anything and everything you already have in your house is usable—household objects like jars, cans, plastic rollers, to pens, markers, your own fingers etc, can be used. Pretty much anything you can make a mark with paint.

And it’s so much fun to experiment and play—even more so then painting in "an ugly style" (my previous post), here we are focusing solely on just the materials.

Materials used with paint or mixed media, translates into 2D form as "mark-making." Generally speaking, mark-making is the visual vocabulary an artist uses in an abstract painting. It is considered an artist's own personal visual language. Layers and layers of different mark-making creates an abstract piece.

Again there are as many different ways to create an abstract piece as there are people, but in general, we like to break down our mark-making into hundreds of layers of different kinds of marks. This creates a very rich and complex visual language where the artist can communicate a variety of ideas or feelings, etc. through this visual vocabulary.

The viewer should also be intrigued by the visual complexity of the painting. As artists, we take it as a very good sign when viewers take time to pick apart the interweaving layers, bringing their own interpretations and meanings to the piece as well.

Painting is not just "one-way" medium. Like many forms of art, it's the exchange between artist and viewer that creates the life of the piece.

Some of the layers blend into each other to create new ones. And most often, in my opinion, the most exciting mark-making layers are those which are spontaneous or even done by sheer "mistake" (but more on that in a future post).

An example of a chaotic mark-making painting are the most well-known large works by Jackson Pollock completed in the 1950s. His art was revolutionary at that time, because he established the "drip" as his sole use of mark-making. He created thousands and thousands of layers of the "drip" to create enormous pieces.

This was the first time in history that a human purposely "dripped" marks on the canvas without using a brush and allowing the paint to "drop" almost haphazardly, without the arm, hand and fingers of the artist manipulating the brush or the knife.

But there are many, many, many other artists that offer up their own unique view of the world, and some of my favorite are on my pinterest board, so feel free to check them out.

So let's begin your journey into mark-making!

Choose a Surface

First off is the choice of surface you would like to paint on. The best options are larger so you can really feel like you have plenty of room to experiment and make large marks. Paper is great but if you would like to use a lot of media and have it withstand the materials, then I would choose a board or canvas larger than 20x20, if you have the option.

The cheapest option is a piece of plywood from the hardware store. They are very affordable, and you have the choice to cut a large piece into smaller ones or pick out large sizes at low cost.

You can also choose to keep it unfinished or "raw" and paint directly on the wood itself. Or prime it with acrylic medium or couple layers of acrylic gesso if you would prefer a smoother surface.

At this point I would highly recommend a hard surface like a wood board verses canvas, only because a hard surface holds up really well to all sorts of more "violent" mark-making like scraping, gouging, sanding and cutting. And as the mark maker, it’s more fun at first with a harder surface so that whatever you experiment holds up well with all sorts of mediums.

You also always have the option to paint over everything and start over and it's much more durable lifespan with a board surface.

Paper is OK but not great, especially for beginners. Unless, you are prepared to use lots of paper. Investing in higher quality paper is worth it. Higher quality paper can hold up to lots of water or even be gessoed on the surface to support oil. Otherwise, paper will often bend and roll.

BUT you can honestly you any surface you prefer. It’s just experimenting and trying as many things as you can think of (I have an entire series where I paint on found tablecloths).

A note about color - do not worry about color so much in this exercise. If you would like to keep it simpler than use a limited palette - a dark, a light and a middle tone. If you want to do a “rainbow” effect, that’s fine too. A lesson on color will be a later post.

Take about 20 minutes or so to just play around - put on music. If you would like longer, then take a break and come back to continue. Use your dryer to speed up some parts of the drying process. Try to "build" layers. Usually about 20-50 layers start to build depth in a painting. Some artists have hundreds (like Julie Mehretu or Mark Bradford).

So, the list below are just some ideas to get started. If you are unsure and feel like you would like a few demonstrations or a bit more “ structure” then continue following some suggested steps below.

Gathering Materials

acrylic paint, chalk paint, watercolor, ink, oil paint

brushes (flat, oval, round tipped, fat brushes at hardware stores etc)

pastels , dry or oil

colored pencils , graphite, charcoal

pens, artist pens or even ball point pens, sharpies, markers, crayons

gesso (acrylic is best)

water (lots of it!)

paper towels

any other household items for creative designs (bottom of jars, cans, paper towels to blot, sticks, leaves, tape, etc.)

palette knives

wasabi tape

Ideas for Mark-Making:

• short, staccato marks

• smooth long lines

• flicking paint brush (hovering over surface)

• use lots and lots of water

• dryer paint

• dots

• smears

• palette knife

• bottom of cups, bottles for stamping

• sponges

• paper towels - blot

• drips

• finger tips/finger smears

• blobs

• thicker paint

• thinner, watercolor paint

• stamps

• scraping with palette knife - use edges, flat panels, etc.

EXPERIMENTATION!

• Take your a favorite brush and start to paint! Add more water. Add more paint.

• Literally go through the list above and start playing around

• If you get stuck and would like more structure, try these timed exercises that I do for all my art classes

I also have a video demonstration to share with you as well if you would like a time-lapsed view of how I created a piece for the 100 Day Project.

I also have a time-lapsed video of how I created some holiday card designs few years ago.

Tip 1 - Paint Ugly Paintings (10 Tips to Jump-start Your Abstract Paintings)

Friends often ask me how they might start painting abstract because it feels so intimidating to them. I started to think back to my art experience and found that I have 10 tips to help jump start any 2D creative abstract project. Here is Tip 1 out of 10 for "How to Jump Start Abstract Paintings Practice."

Whenever I introduce myself as an artist, an abstract painter, most people's eyebrows go up. Some folks are intrigued while others are intimidated. And they may follow up with a question if they are interested in what abstract style but for the better majority, they nod and exclaim how "cool" or "interesting" that is.

If they are familiar with art or artists themselves, they might ask "What medium do you work with?"

I get it. I totally do. It took me almost a decade out of college to declare myself an artist, let alone an "abstract painter." I've been there and thought many of the same self-limiting beliefs as most people when they are faced with any other creative person in their life. I could never do that!

We simply say, "well that's so cool... but I could never do that!" "I'm not creative," or "I tried art but was so bad at it." Or I could "never do what you do," or even "I love art and painting and drawing, but I could never do abstract."

I do the exact same thing too actually. Like my son's teacher confiding to me that she loves baking cakes and in fact, last weekend, she completed a wedding cake for her niece. I saw the photo. It was Martha Stewart worthy. AMAZING.

I could never do that.

BUT, I started the exact same way with painting. And what was interesting to me was way back when after college, I had sensibly declared myself a graphic design major so that it would be practical and useful. I had a corporate job in a commercial real estate company downtown in Chicago, creating brochures, fliers and proposals for the brokers.

But I started dreaming of painting in an abstract style.

I could draw from my lessons as a kid, and I sensed that I might be able to make that jump into total abstraction but I didn't know how to get there.

It wasn't until I was on my first day of graduate school, in my masters program at Eastern Illinois University, that my professor gave me the strategy I didn't know I needed, to help me make the jump.

My very first “ugly” painting circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

Paint ugly paintings.

What?

Yes, it's that simple: paint the ugliest painting you could imagine.

First off, I do want to be clear that this is NOT subject matter. This is still "abstract." It's not vulgarity that is liberating it frees oneself from constantly thinking that this "has to be beautiful" in order for it to be a legit painting, especially an abstract painting.

Abstract painting is relatively brand-new within the context of our entire human history of making art. But for our generation, abstract painting has been around actually a long time, most of us, established before we were born.

Looking back to my first day in art school, I realized this was a brilliant strategy. As a novice painter, this simple exercise challenged everything about what I thought was "beautiful." Beauty is such an enormous philosophical subject that could be argued, has been the debate since the time of the Greeks, who were the first to classify what is and what is not beautiful (especially in the West). It can also be argued that the notion of beauty, what is beautiful, is subjective. But I would fervently argue that we, both men and women, have inherent constructs of beauty, expectations and standards ingrained in us from culture and society, and most of them we don't even think about or challenge what definitions of beauty we are thinking about and why.

This exercise breaks down that internal rhetoric and gives permission to set aside those thoughts like "is this pretty or beautiful? Or this "doesn't look right," and instead allows us to freely explore abstract elements in their most formal aspects.

I have found that every single painting that I work on, currently and in the past, stem from this simple dialogue with myself, where I'm feeling that most of my paintings are in "Ugly Duckling Phase," 90% of the time until the very end.

It's actually simple to flip an ugly painting into a nicer "pleasing-looking" one. The challenge is making an ugly one in the first place so that there's a lot of interesting things happening in that painting to keep our interest.

But this is also about mindset. There are no expectations. There's no one giving you a subject matter to copy from or for you to know even where you are going with certain elements. If it's ugly, that's the point!

And... ANYONE can do this. Anyone can make an ugly painting. My seventh-month old technically can make an "ugly" painting. And for sure some of my favorite paintings are when my oldest son was two years old. He grabbed paint brushes and smeared paint on the paper with abandoned curiosity and a ferocious confidence. And of course, the result is that I have found tremendous beauty in those pieces.

In process painting, circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

So a few tips for painting "ugly:"

1. Permission. Give yourself permission to paint the ugliest thing you've ever seen. This is your chance to not care about what anyone else thinks. Not even care what you think! Give yourself permission to jump in and simply not think at all, just react and go with your impulses.

2. No right way. The worst mindset you can have is to think there is only a "right way" to paint. This style of abstract painting is often called "freestyle" or "intuitive painting." The ugly part gives your mind a break. It gives you 100% permission to try everything just to see if it works. If not, then it works as an "ugly" part of your painting. The decisions you make are more aligned with your intuition than your head. And for most of this process, we definitely want to stay in the intuitive part of the brain, not the critical part (there's a time and a place for that but it's not now!)

3. FREEDOM! This style of painting is MESSY. I will say over and over if you are uncomfortable, you are on the right path! I’ve also found that 90% of working on a painting through its various stages is plain “UGLY.” I once had my graduate professor exclaim that every time she came into my studio she thought I was working on the ugliest stuff, but then all of a sudden she would see it comes together in the last stages and is actually aesthetically pleasing. And this was her way of complimenting me!

4. No mistakes. Remember, this is just a painting. You can paint OVER IT. And OVER IT. And OVER IT AGAIN. I know you won't believe me but there really are no mistakes in painting.

5. Private vs public. Also remember, NO ONE HAS TO SEE THIS. This just for you. (Unless you want to). No one cares. Like AT ALL. No one even knows you're painting an ugly painting! So give yourself a break! And don't expect a masterpiece.

6. Ugly color. For this exercise, you have permission not to care about color. Color is perhaps the #1 strategy for creating "beauty" or "dissonance" and because most normal people are not aware of the simple rules of color schemes, they will dislike their painting or their room color simply because of the color, and not some of the other elements. But for this exercise, don’t care about colors schemes, mix to your heart’s content but make sure you apply plenty of paint to the canvas. Don’t worry about if the paint is transparent or opaque, acrylic, oil, watercolor, if you use pencil, pastel or graphite, or cut up paper or photos to glue. It can totally be mixed media. And it can certainly (and will inevitably) turn brown and yucky like my two-year old's paintings. Just embrace it all and imagine yourself as a two-year old yourself, simply being in the moment not caring one bit about anything else.

7. EXPERIMENT — Be PHYSICAL (whip the paint around, pool it, soak it, blot it, sponge it, throw paint at the canvas or other surfaces, scrap it, dig into it, mix it with leaves, dirt, different mediums whatever. This stage is WHO "F" CARES! There’s no one here at all to care what you are doing. Remind yourself there's "no right way" to do anything! Experiment with different brushes - huge, medium, tiny. Experiment with the bottom of the brush or sides of the can. Notice how you hold brushes or knives in your hand. Try your less dominant hand. Try flipping brushes around, holding close to the end, or in the middle. Throw paint from your brush. Use knives to scrap and smear. Use anything to “stamp” different patterns like bottoms of cans or bottles, etc. Try stencils, cut up wrapping paper, paint on tissue paper, primed and un-primed canvas or linen. There’s 100’s of ideas, just start DOING.

8. Move it - physically move it from the wall to the floor while adding layers. Rotate it 90 degree. Paint a layer. Rotate 90 degrees again and then paint a layer.

9. No Rules. There are no rules!! — try to keep turning off your brain if it says “This isn’t right! This looks horrible! Am I doing this right? Ick! I don’t like that ...” Try to act on your impulses and trust this is just practice.

10. Timed sessions. If you're stuck, then time yourself for 5, 10, 15 or even 30 min force yourself to stop. Wait for layers to dry. Then time yourself another 15-20 minutes, stop, wait for layers to dry. Do this 5x (30 minutes each). Take pictures within each stage. Notice how much change the painting goes through in each of those layers.

Finally, end it — don’t fool yourself that this is a “masterpiece!” No one needs to see this, ever. No one even knows your doing it if you don’t tell them. When it all dries you can paint over the entire thing and start over.

But you have to END the piece, so I recommend the exercise of ending after 5 layers. If you feel like you need more than of course by all means keep going! But at some point stop and start another piece.

In process painting, circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

Congratulate yourself! Step back and notice if new effects or unexpected “mistakes” that you didn’t intend happen, and that you really like. Get past the awful color combos and weird looking shapes. It doesn’t matter right now! But that “stuff” that was accidental means in that moment, you let go of your brain and acted intuitively.

That is what we want more of, and that is the essence of this "freestyle" abstract painting.

Hopefully this one exercise lets you give yourself permission to play and not care at all what the end results looks like. This gives you permission to be in the process of painting itself instead of worrying if it's "right," or "beautiful" or following any expectations that you didn't even know you might have had on yourself.

Some people might totally embrace this style of free-flowing expression, and feel it's very natural to tune into one's own intuition to make decisions in the moment. For others, this might totally freak them out.

That's totally OK. I hope you felt and saw glimpses of yourself letting go, being in the moment and being open to not knowing what the end result will look like. Also, learning to be aware of the feeling of being uncomfortable with the process. It’s OK. You will get better at it I promise. It's called "practicing" for a reason. You are not required to create a masterpiece.

And finally, I hope you enjoyed the unexpected thrill when something you didn’t plan happened, and it ended up being an interesting effect, color combo or cool texture. Those are the highlights of the exercise to take with you as you start your next painting and then... your next!

In process painting, circa Sept 2007. © 2007-2018 Kathryn Neale Studio

If you would like more resources, here is a simple audio of a guided meditation to help you to think like a kid again and enjoy the process of painting!

And here are links to my 100 Day projects where each exercise I'm visually experimenting, practicing and trying to follow my intuitive, creative inner guide. Some work and some very much don't. But I have uploaded all of it to show the process.

I almost missed this

We are always learning from our children aren’t we? Constant learning, tireless patience, relentless unselfishness, and opportunity to be kind verses right.

It is an ever-evolving process that will never end. And I relish that challenge especially because I feel like I put a lot of time and effort in making the relationships in my life priority #1. And that is one (out of many) main reasons I wanted to have my kids. I knew it would be a way for me to grow as a person, learn and challenge myself, always learning about love.

By no means am I a proponent that this is the only way to learn about love. Absolutely not.

But being a human parent has many rewards and many challenges. And it’s just the daily grind of today’s routine that can get very stressful. I envy the generations before us where time was slower and more paced.

My husband is in part-time online school on top of his full time job. And that brings many challenges. So when it comes time this year, this fall to do things that my now 5-year old son is so excited for - like go to the pumpkin patch and carve pumpkins, it is all on me to fit into our busy schedule.

This past weekend we did have a glorious day to enjoy the pumpkin farm which is a St. Louis tradition. And my husband got to join us.

But for past two weeks I’ve promised Grant, my son, that we “will do the pumpkins soon . . .” Well it’s now about 8 days away from Halloween and guess what? Haven’t carved the pumpkins yet. They have been patiently waiting sitting on our porch.

Looking ahead at a very busy week coming up, it seemed if we were going to do this, we needed to do it . . . .like yesterday or Halloween will be here and gone.

So with a heavy, (and I mean heavy!) sign, with Grant’s excited insistence, “is it today mama we can do the pumpkins?,” I decided I guess I better “get it over with.”

And with that happy thought, that’s exactly what a parent often thinks right? Or at least I do (LOL!). Carving the pumpkins is not fun. And whoever actually manufactures these tools that are sold each year to help with the carving, seriously help us. Do the manufacturers actually ever USE THEM?! They suck! Which inevitably makes the whole process even harder, more difficult and more . . . irritating.

Grant remembered carving from last year. He forgot about the “gooey gunk” that every adult is aware of that comes with carving pumpkins - yuck! And every parent also knows that even though your little girl or guy really really wants to help, they . . . can’t.

So of course it ends up falling on YOU. Or me, as it were. And all I kept thinking was that for another year my husband GOT OUT OF THIS! How did that happen? (oh I’m studying honey!).

I tell Grant to go get the pumpkins as I sit down and decide, I guess I’m doing this. Even though the house is complete chaos, I have mountains of laundry (because finally have to switch summer to winter wardrobe not just for myself, but for the kids and I), piles of new clothes I just bought to go through, need to change sheets on our bed, pick up EVERY SINGLE LITTLE TOY that is around the house, clean up after dinner, feed Trey (my 6 month old who is just starting solid foods), take trash out because it’s trash day, and THEN start the night-time routine with both of them. By myself.

Ok. I can do this! And before I spiral down into negativity-land, I just tell myself to not think about it and get it done.

Grant is appalled at the “gunk” inside. He did “not remember that part.” So of course that’s something that I was hoping he could “help with.” He decides it’s too yucky for him so of course I’m doing all of that for 3 big pumpkins.

Also in those carving kits are the photos of stupid overly complicated carving masterpieces that come with the instructions. Is it just me or is everything about the carving tool kit irritating as hell!

I look at that and of course Grant wants to do a ghost! Yeah . . . when hell freezes over kid. Looking at the “BOO!” word written in elaborate script or a witch flying on her broom, I’m like who the heck does this stuff? Has time for this? Is an artist? (or wait I am but I can promptly say this I’m not an illustrator! Yeah that’s my excuse!). And if you are one of those parents sincerely I envy you because that’s super cool.

But I am not. And looking at this stuff just reminds me of sitting in Las Vegas in a pool two weekends ago trying to relax and soak in the atmosphere, while bikini-clad young women prance around in designer swimsuits with a cocktail in their hands. And all the men drooling over them.

All power to them, there’s nothing wrong with female sexuality. But right that moment, for me, looking down at my one piece with a black cover-up, I scream “MOM HERE” with a still-look-like-I’m-pregnant-stomach. Just doesn’t make me feel good.

Needless to say, this whole process does not make me feel very good or accomplished.

I start going at it, square for the stem/head, scrapping and digging out the goop and seeds. I’m not the most proficient but I get it done. Three big pumpkins down. Now the faces.

Grant is beside me the entire time leaning over, examining and giving me directions. I tell him to help and he tries and tries, but just can’t get over the goop. It’s just “too yucky mama.” Yeah I KNOW!

I’m a visual person, so even though I am an artist, and you would think that I could conjure up my own jack o’ lantern faces, I don’t want to. So I google “simple jack o’lantern faces for carving pumpkins.” You’d be amazed at the super creative designs people create with pumpkins!

Ok, I can do squares and the square smile. I sit there and carve it out - Grant actually helping to pull out the triangles for the eyes when I’m finished to make the holes. He also helps play with my 6 month old who is sitting in his walker, yelling and grunting, starting to squeal.

We don’t have much time. Maybe minutes until Trey (my 6 month old) starts screaming his head off for more bottle.

Next one, a simple mean face. I can do that. Triangles slanted on their sides to look like the pumpkin is mad. Yeah I’m feeling it. Carve out that one and 2 down, 1 to go.

Grant is beside himself, so excited. We have four small pumpkins and I’m not doing those. So I tell him to start drawing his own faces. With a black marker he throws himself into drawing these little tiny faces.

I actually look up in between carving and pause to smile. I love it when he draws or paints or does anything art-related. Obviously. But he’s too busy to sit and draw most of the time now.

He used to ask to paint with me when he was very little. I have hundreds of drawings and paintings that will always be so precious to me, five of them hang in our house they are beautifully abstract.

Here he’s practicing his eyes, head, mouth and telling me it’s dad, himself, mom and Trey. Awesome. I love it I tell him.

Last pumpkin. Simple, simple, simple. What else is super simple?! Got it! Circles that’s simple. I carve three circles, two for eyes and one big one for the “O” of the mouth. Awesome. DONE!

I sit there for a second. Trey is almost in melt-down mode since it’s hovering on the witching hour to start the night routine - shower, story, bedtime.

Grant is just huge smiles and giggles and so proud of us. “You are such a good artist mommie!” Thanks hon. “Mama you are the best mama out there.” Again, thanks, I think?! It almost sounds sarcastic but I know for sure it’s not. It’s absolutely genuine. “Mama we did good, I love my pumpkins!”

So simple. I almost missed it.

Yeah. I took a deep breath to just take a moment to soak it all in. My son bursting with joy and happiness from . . . pumpkin-face-making. It actually was fun for him. Yes he hardly did any work. But he was beside me the entire time, chatting and playing with Trey while I worked. And after I finished a pumpkin, he was thrilled with each result.

Such simple delight when pulling out one triangle at a time to build the face and see it come to life so to speak. He was ecstatic!

And that was so little for me to do, to give him these moments of fun. Hardly took that much effort and he was thrilled.

And what’s more, it was an activity together. We spent quality time together and I felt all warm and glowing. I was helping him build those kid memories one by one. He may not remember this time exactly, but he will remember this time of the year with joy. Especially since it’s both of our birthdays, we have a lot of celebrating together.

My family was not the greatest at celebrating the holidays, any holiday. Or doing the tradition thing. And I vowed to myself that I would do that with my kids.

And I had almost forgotten that in the midst of the grind of routine, schedules, life, taking care of little kids, etc. Yes it’s exhausting, yes it’s a challenge. There’s the same thing every day and not a lot of reward for it in the end on our end. We’re working our tails off as parents.

But for Grant, last night was so much fun he had been looking forward to it “forever” and we finally got to do the faces. Did he notice my frustrations or irritation? No. In fact his happy energy was infectious.

Reminds me to allow my kids to take the lead more often, follow their innocent and simple pleasures. Earlier that evening he played and played with an amazon box while I did the dishes.

Yes, these moments are the gems of childhood. We, as their parents, should be the guardians of those moments, the protectors of this special time. Where they will never get back. And will be gone and grown up in a blink of an eye.

We don’t have much time. In fact we have few precious minutes. Especially in today’s society where every screen imaginable is competing for their brains.

Slow down, make space, find pace within the daily grind. And follow the child’s lead to be happily content with the simple joys.

And I almost missed it.