Day 11 - 100 Day Project

Day 11 - 100 Day ProjectFollow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject Click here for official webpage.

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This one felt very "spring" from the start! Taking out that blue from a pre-made sample is very "Easter/egg-like." I was kind of thinking I would go in the direction of yesterday with some neutrals but that's just not what came out nor was it the colors I picked out this morning. Another prime example of just rolling with it! Whatever!

Another one with tape today - might do it for a few more days. I like the "surprise" when you pull it up and place it other places and the fact that it's totally geometric in nature it's jarring in one sense to my organic painterly style. And for some reason another painting with a bright red/orange final! It worked I think for this one.

Day 10 - 100 Day Project

Day 10 - 100 Day Project Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject

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This one I like a little bit different. Tried to keep it kind of neutral (for me!). And I love experimenting with tape - it's fun to block out areas and then like you see, rip them up and place the tape elsewhere. It creates an interesting effect. You can still see hints of the pattern I used underneath but I like that - this one is more subtle with the pattern.

Thinking of my day today. Yesterday was his birthday (65), but he's been in the hospital for almost a week. Friday is my mom's birthday (yes they are Aries twins!), what a way to spend beginning of 65. He's always had issues with his heart his whole life. Yet my mom, sister and I all agree it's one of the great ironies of this life that even though his physical heart is so incredibly weak (it's a miracle he's lived this long!), he is the gentlest, kindest, sweetest man. Again I don't know why he has had to go through these touch challenges all his life, but of course being Aries and having a weak heart has beaten a lot of the Aries down in him which in some ways is sad. We all send him so much love and support.

Times like these are so crucial to take the opportunity to not only show but also just tell the ones we love how much we love them. We forget in our busy lives what it really means to cherish each other. And it starts with us, with our family, with our friends. Then we can turn ourselves outward to bless the world at large because starting with ourselves we only contribute to the healing of the world - instead of turning to hate, turning to love.

This post is really not meant for anything else but myself, I know no one is reading this but it's helpful to write out what I most need to hear. Tough times indeed. The prognosis not looking good.

Day 9 - 100 Day Project

Day 9 - 100 Day Project Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject

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Day 9 was actually pretty fast. I liked the geometric background to build upon. I usually like organic imagery obviously but it's a different feel to react with my organic painterly style to an already highly graphic structured pattern.

Day 8 - 100 Day Project

Day 8Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject Click here for official webpage.

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First painting I've strongly felt should be landscape but can't do that for instagram cause proportions are more portrait (vertical) format. If I had more time obviously I would still work on this one. Perhaps pushing some parts into the background (fading) and highlighting as well. I confess I took a little bit more time just because it takes so long to dry the parts so that I can also apply the patterned piece of paper. That's probably what frustrated me the most about this process, I don't mind working fast at all but I get annoyed when I have to wait for things to dry with a hair dyer. I much prefer letting things dry on their own - much more interesting effects when I come back a day later or couple hours later. You just can't beat "natural" drying process with pigments floating and settling on their own.

I also had little bit of fun with some pastel and then painting over the pastel with watery paint. The paint immediately falls to either side cause it's different dry material so it doesn't absorb the water at all it repels it. So it's a fun effect. Probably will have some more fun with it in a little bit.

Seeing this past week's and assessing - definitely into just the watery bits and pieces of painting right now. I haven't painted consistently in so long - since my son was born for sure (and really before that because come on, in the 3rd trimester I just wanted to lay down most of the time to rest! My son was BIG!!). I don't really have any "plans" right now for myself. I'm just not thinking about anything, sitting down, choosing my colors and keeping it real simple. I can see similar color palettes of warm reds, warm yellows, ochres, etc. and accented with cooler colors of blue and green. But not too much. I know that I'm subconsciously attracted to this palette because it's springtime here in St. Louis and after a harsh winter, it's lovely to be drawn to the beautiful, strong colors of spring into summer.

proud to be a gatherer

IMG_4092"Gather: To cause to come together; convene.To accumulate (something) gradually by means. To collect into one place; assemble To draw about or bring (one thing) closer to something else To conclude To summon up To attract or be a center of attraction for"

"a person who gathers; 'they were a society of hunters and gatherers.'"

I have so many awesome and insightful memories of my late mother-in-law (who was, hands-down, the most passionate and erudite woman I know, someone who just accumulated a database of random, but useful knowledge in her information brain bank). One interesting tidbit of info she said (I barely remember the context, but it always struck a chord) that somewhere in her findings, she said biologists and anthropologists conclude that men and women still have in their biological makeup, the need to "hunt" and "gather" in their DNA. That might seem quite obvious in some circumstances. Obviously one of the universal and stereotypical complaints of husbands about their wives is that there's way too much "crap" in the house. Uh . . . DUH! WE GATHER, COLLECT, ORGANIZE (well I hardly do actual "organizing" part, but I would say most women are known as excellent organizers!) and SAVE crap too. Yes, there's always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, it seems true enough.

As my mother-in-law and I brainstormed together we realized, yes absolutely, we both are obsessed with gathering stuff! She LOVED all cleaning supplies . . . yet she had a cleaning service come every 2 weeks to clean her house. But anytime we went to The Container Store she couldn't help herself and she would buy all those orange funky sponges or mops that looked like some Sesame Street character designed by some Danish industrial line, and while paying for them at the cash register (and no they weren't "cheap,") she would sheepishly grin at me that they were so "pretty." She also obsessed about shoes - there were 4 closets filled with them. And she was notorious at work for having piles and piles of paper, folders, files, you name it, scattered around her office, but ask her where something was and she would carefully pluck a sheet from the MIDDLE of a 5 inch pile without a blink of an eye and silently hand it to you.

IMG_4096I, on the other hand, am an "artist." I can't help but gather as much crap as possible because 3 years later-- I really will see it as the perfect found Target patterned paper for that art piece I can now use it for-- so I can't help it! Not only gathering supplies, I LOVE books and magazines. Obviously, I tell myself, I'm just fulfilling my creative impulse to fill as many drawers, tubs, boxes and sketchbooks as possible with my images that catch my eye for future projects, piles of torn pages from magazines and books. I can't ever through those away.

I have amassed (no joke!) I believe over 1,238 bookmarks in my firefox browser alone, mostly on art, artists, design, interior design, travel and of course favorite bloggers websites. I have hundreds of images I collect over the internet from favorite artists I like. I also have thousands of random images I keep of my own artwork from over the years, art from museums I've visited, random shots of random things I though pretty, and from every single international trip, I've taken thousands of things I thought were interesting . . . which coming home I asked myself, "wait . . . why did I take a photo of that again?"  I have every single piece of music composed by Beethoven, (obviously LOVE classical music), as well as almost every single DVD series from the past 10 years at least from BBC or PBS British Classic Drama! I'm obsessed with books - but not just the normal romantic or historical fiction kind no -- I always hunt through the art, design, craft and photography sections seeing if there is anything interesting in there. I always start in the magazine sections -- this gives me a clue to what I'm interested in at the moment (like what music you want to listen to sets the mood!). I love the ancient mysteries and New Age section and occasionally skip through the cookbooks to see if there's something interesting that I would love to aspire to cook but pretty much hardly ever do.

But it's not jut STUFF, it's other immaterial things too like ideas, information, stuff to research. I LOVE brainstorming sessions. With my mother-in-law, we were the world's brightest think tank solving all the world's problems over a mountain cookie and twin Starbucks hot chocolate! She routinely watched the daily morning shows, which we realized too are just a smorgasbord of random info pulled together mainly for . . . a woman's audience! She also loved reading every Economist issue front and back as much as a good historical novel about Elizabeth the I.

The worst though is that I'm also quite messy. I have "reminder piles" I call them lying around my house. They could be clothes I need to fold or hang or want to wear in the next couple of days. There could be shoes at the front door, dishes in a pile for putting in the dishwasher, books, random papers, anything lying about that "reminds" me that I need to do something with it. I gather everything and anything! If I don't see it I literally don't remember it. My husband gets uber frustrated with me! He remembers everything . . . in his HEAD. And I cannot remember a thing unless I see it in a pile of stuff that I've gathered together.

IMG_4095This rant also does relate directly back to my artwork and painting process. It's messy but there's a purpose to it. When I work I get everything out at once and work on all pieces of artwork, bouncing around in my "piles" of painting and paints. Gathering different media to collage into. I like having all my paints out, my brushes everything so I can see them and make decisions quickly based on what I see. I always leave everything "out" until I finish all of the paintings. Then I pack everything up at all at once to clean and put things away. That's the way I cook, that's the way I do laundry, that's the way I work on projects. I realize I tend to wait and wait until things pile up and I gather enough stuff to do something with it.

And on top of those things above you may think, "well that sounds like anyone, everyone has their interests, their quirks and their unique habits about acquiring random stuff physical or digital."But the female gatherers are unique -- if you are doubtful, just look at all the fabulous blogging women out there! They "gather" everything and anything that's beautiful, useful, informational, decorative, fashionable, unfashionable, vintage, new, kid-related, cooking-related, crafty, DIY projects, technological, etc. you name it! Thousands of successful and thoughtful blogs on whatever topic is fascinating to them with their own unique spin is an enormous resource out there right now. It's damn impressive actually! And we all eat it up! Why Pinterest is known for being 90% women who are gathering images of everything from travel to weddings to cooking to house paint.

IMG_4093So, yes, we women, have it in our blood pointing to the inevitable factoid that we ARE GATHERERS. I embrace this! It must be because we love learning new things, new ideas and new ways of doing something and then we love sharing it! We communicate, share, learn, share and communicate. It's a fascinating network--we gather for each other, learn from each other and then bring back new insights to the whole. It's a very enriching and healthy process! And the more we learn, share and grow, the smarter we all are.

So, I have formally decided to embrace this label. It seems a word that has so much potential for me. The possibilities of gathering and then piecing together to see the bigger picture gives my brain ultimate pleasure. I finally realize it now and stop blaming myself for my compulsive behavior. The more I research the web, the more I'm sincerely blown away by the creative worlds I want to be a part of, the people I would love to connect and meet with someday, the ideas that blow my mind and make me inspired, and the stories that touch my soul.

I am PROUD to be a "gatherer," and so should you.

Day 6 - 100 Day Project

Day 6 Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject

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Actually did Day 6 & 7 tonight since it was the weekend. Lots going on of course and it's REAL nice to sleep in on Saturday and Sunday (well as much as an 18-month old will allow!).

Day 5 - 100 Day Project

Day 5 - 100 Day Project Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject

Click here for official webpage.

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Interesting this morning. It's Friday and I'm a little out of it. Not used to waking up at 5:15 that's for sure! I LOVE my sleep!

So not quite sure about this little guy, I'll have to just let it "sit."  I had other intentions for this piece - mostly I covered up more of the patterned circles then I wanted but that's ok. Here I decided to use the patterned background and give it more of a dominant "role" instead of just having it in the background like Day 4. So I drew circles from a template and just painted around them in neutral gray. I like effect because the circle shapes create the foundation of this piece.

You can see upper left corner little light blue "blobs" well another instance where I was hovering and blobs dropped randomly on the page. I accidentally got some on my finger but instead of just wiping it off, I used my finger to blot them into the piece. Then decided might as well use my finger for other parts of the light blue.

Also experimenting with different paint does different things. I have pre-made house paint samples that the Martha Stewart brand used to provide at Lowes. The paint is couple years old by now so it's very "gloppy" and thick. And the brush/cap thing is horrible but great for just hovering over the piece and gently swinging the brush, you get this weird, rubbery "line" that just plops onto the page. You don't have much control but it's a weird paint-line, scribble effect.

Then knew I had to add some dark to it but might have been little too much. Don't mind the sketch-look with the dark line but went back in to blot out with paper towel some of the areas so it "fades" and has more dimension not being so "heavy."

Then my timer went off and still needed a "highlight" so took bright yellow with knife and blotted some yellow highlights to help assist moving the eye around the page.

Day 4 - 100 Day Project

Day 4 - 100 Day ProjectFollow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject Click here for official webpage.

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This morning was fun because I felt like painting on top of a design - paper ("found paper" we artists call it!) from Target or Michael's I think that comes in a packet), and it's a great exercise because instead of making stuff, you are reacting to what's already there. You have to decide what to keep and what to delete or "push back." I was constantly trying to "push" back some parts of the sketch because all of the elements of the design is 1 color tone - meaning there wasn't highlights or dark places, that sometimes is what a pattern is. So when I applied paint, I needed to decide some darker elements and lighter to make more dimension in the piece (foreground vs background etc.). Also helps you think about negative space because you are creating that negative space with your brush to knock back or cover up parts of the printed pattern underneath.

I think it turned out ok. Still quite busy! But the challenge here for me is that these pieces are such a small space that it's hard for me to get that proportion so again, it's all good practice!

Day 3 - 100 Day Project

Day 3 - 100 Day Project Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject

Click here for official webpage.

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Not particularly liking this one a whole lot because it's tough to start with a dark background and work backwards into light and get enough mid-tones and highlights to work. And hard core blue with green can be problematic colors to work with because they are opaque and feel heavy. But it's an experiment! And certainly and interesting exercise.

Day 1 - 100 Day Project

Day 1 Got up this morning for first time in my life at 5:20 am. I'm NOT a morning person at all and I love my sleep. But this is the perfect opportunity to commit to getting up and "being there" just like this project is intending. It's only the first day - you have energy, lots of optimisim and a "go-get" attitude. I am not that idealistic, I know I will not want to do this and also I know life will get busy and I'll probably forget, etc. But patting myself on the back, just for today, I showed up.

I'm participating in the 100 Day Challenge through The Great Disconnect with Elle Luna starting April 6th!

I'm going to create 1 painting in 20 minutes every day for 100 days.

Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject

What Is the 100-Day Project? It’s a celebration of process that encourages everyone to participate in 100 days of making. The great surrender is the process; showing up day after day is the goal. For the 100-Day Project, it’s not about fetishizing finished products—it’s about the process.

Click here for official webpage.

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I love to show stuff like this - I wanted to open up my gray chalk paint and I fumbled the lid and out came BLOBS of paint on my painting! But that's the fun of it. I had to work with it and take from that. It was a lot more gray paint then I was intending. And to be honest, the image above not digging it -- it's really busy, all over the place and there's a lot going on in this little space. But that's OK. This is not about making great artwork. It's about the process and just doing it.

Day1a

 

 

 

100 Day Challenge Project!

Screen Shot 2015-04-05 at 8.45.14 PMI'm participating in the 100 Day Challenge through The Great Disconnect with Elle Luna starting tomorrow, April 6th! I'm going to create 1 painting in 20 minutes every day for 100 days.

Follow me on Instagram @KathrynJNeale, #100Days20minptgs, #100DayProject

What Is the 100-Day Project? It’s a celebration of process that encourages everyone to participate in 100 days of making. The great surrender is the process; showing up day after day is the goal. For the 100-Day Project, it’s not about fetishizing finished products—it’s about the process.

Click here for official webpage.

In Process_4.2.15

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This is a first in my series of "works in progress" with myself. A way to document and think about and share the process of painting. This work is an interesting piece. I started it actually with the large navy blue dark brush work about 2 years ago! It has been on my wall in my basement for that long just waiting and waiting to get worked on.

Last week, I went crazy with the patterned roller from The Painted House (Etsy shop)  which is so much fun to play with. And then my colors right now are out of the bottle copper, ochre, .......

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This piece definitely has quite a bit to go but taking close ups of some of the work as it goes along is always a lot of fun. My favorite stages of a painting are these pre-middle-to-middle stages where layers are starting to overlap and play with each other. So much of this type of painting method relies on intuitive marks and the "accidental" or spontaneous, unplanned marks. It's a weird balance between initiating the layer but then knowing "when to stop!"

My favorite part of this painting too is that the paint just does what it wants too. The uncontrolled nature is what is exciting. You start the process but have no control of the final outcome. These drips and drops above exemplify the juiciness of this type of painting with lots of water (my background is watercolor). And of course you cannot deny the power of gravity with the drops dripping "down" because the piece is hanging on the wall. That seems pretty obvious, but nothing is "obvious" when it comes to painting. This is a decision I specifically made here. I could've not have drops, therefore not put that much water so it effectively drips down. I could've easily just put the whole thing on the ground and let the water "pool." So it is a deliberate decision, but how the water drips is out of my control! The middle right part of the painting is quite lovely now with the navy blue peeking through the copper drips as it's hard to tell which layer is which--this is quite intriguing. And as a viewer, that's all you want is to have the viewer stop and take a "double-take" because that's what's interesting to the eye.

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TThis section you can see my brush strokes more distinctively because of the bright red, pink colors. But the same effect is also shown except you can tell that I've dipped into a couple different colors simultaneously with my large  brush and twirled it around in my hand to create "smeared" effect (especially in the middle with the red/hot pink turning into orange/copper.  There's a rhythm to this painting specifically as well. We shall see if it continues to the final look!

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my favorite day

IMG_4078Today ended up being amazing. Another day where my 17-month old stayed home - yesterday was sick with some kind of stomach flu so we definitely took it easy. Today he felt way better but still stayed home to make sure. It ended up being a 77 degree, super squeaky sunny day, blue, cloudless sky. The first real warm sun of spring hinting of summer finally. I took Grant to our favorite park, Queeny, to walk the afternoon away. No schedule. No time commitments. No rush. All the time in the world. Grant immediately fell right asleep to the rhythm of the stroller and the birds chirping. Yummy quiet and solitude. I haven't felt this happy in months. My mind emptied and I finally am feeling the beginnings of a renewal, thawing my heart as well.

The past couple months have been a rollercoaster--a lot of hurt and pain caused by people closest to us. Closed doors have become a regular occurrence. And just in the prime of life where you feel kind of stagnant, the kind of questions unearthing major disturbances in your very core of the big why's - Why is this happening? Why now? What am I missing? Why the hurt? the confusion? How could I have seen this coming? (you never can of course). And how can those that you love hurt you and be so self-centered? (because we are all yearning for our happiness).

IMG_4079Today was bliss. Pure bliss. No work, no customers calling, no "must's," "should's" and "have to do's." No work fires to put out. No stress. No nothing but the luxury of the immediate moment, being grateful for the here and now. No worries but enjoying every precious moment with my little one in the bright sunshine.

I really, really needed this day. Definitely nostalgic in that I wish every day could be this laid back. Of course the response to this is that there's no way you'd appreciate it if every day was like this. But . . . you wonder, wouldn't I?

It truly is a walking meditation. All these ideas flood through me, the renewed inspired thought pours out, trickling, then streaming, then flooding me. But I am not overwhelmed yet with pure adulation for life again. That has slowly seeped out of me these past several months. I find it every day with my son, that has been my life-line. But I realize I have lost that special soul connection to life itself these past months. Lost a little faith in the Universe. Doubtful of Divine Love. These events lately hasn't left me destitute or devastated, but slowly emerging from a new awakening that either I slide into a depressive state, or grasp at these days to find renewal. Slowly re-evaluating my faith in Love, the Universe, and its abundance.

Today I can believe. And I thank the Universe for this precious day. IMG_4080

Carolyn Quartermaine

Carolyn Quartermaine I recently discovered Carolyn Quartermaine, , an inspiring and talented British stylist and artist, and even though I realized I had recognized her gorgeous prints and fabrics in various home magazines, I didn't make the connection it her until over five years ago when working on my MFA thesis. She only has a couple books devoted to her work and it seems they are already out of print which is very frustrating. But I ended up finding a used copy of Carolyn Quartermaine Revealed by Kate Constable. The photographs are stunning and I love how the book is organized into her various practices: fabrics, paper, collage, color, painting, etc. Carolyn QuartermaineWhen looking at her work I saw kindred spirit when it comes to process and attraction to the very act of painting and the materials of painting. Here are a few quotes from the book.

" . . . I always get a thrill when I first put my brush into the liquid and begin to paint. The process is so wonderful that hte actual result seems of little or no importance compared to the act of loading the brush with paint and moving it across the paper or fabric. Paint is so much about possibility, about creating worlds, about layering, texture, and surface. But mostly it is about that physical process of dipping your brush, or maybe, just your hands, into this pool of wet, dripping colour." (p. 101).

I've always been interested in painting on fabric and 5 years ago, I started painting on tablecloths bought at a local discount household store when in my MFA program. I have always loved to paint on chairs (like the chair collections in Restoration Hardware), Quartermaine paints on luxurious silks! And also paints beautiful chairs and finishes them, etc.

Carolyn QuartermaineQuartermaine went through art school so her background is more of an "artist" than a traditional textile designer. Her approach is very art-based which also is very attractive to me about her work. But she moves so easily between art, design and even the "decorative" seamlessly, that it really doesn't matter to me the purpose of her work, it all has a fluidity and all about process that clearly evokes her love of color, texture, paint and layering. There is a delicate, soft texture to her work, it is careful but allows spontaneity and I can see that she admires the imperfect print or brushwork. It is much more careful then my own work (I just don't have that much patience!). But the watercolor look, the print and the experimentation with paint, ink and fabric is what has always attracted me to her work as an inspiration to my own.

"A good wall has the same spellbinding quality as a Twombly or a Rothko painting for me. I love the mottled marks, the mould, the flaking caused by pollution, the scratch marks of the graffiti. I am drawn to a feeling of time passing, of that feeling that paint has been built up over the years and then has been worn away again, either by chance, or by the weather, or by intent. What is revealed underneath the paint is as interesting as the texture of the paint that is left behind. I photograph walls like that endlessly. In fact, walking around Rome, I sometimes feel that I want to take the walls home and hang them in my apartment, like a painting." (p. 110-111).

You can definitely see the influences from Twombly and Rothko in her work (I'm obsessed with Twombly! I wrote my first MFA thesis on his work!). But the end of the quote struck me because I found I was drawn to these exquisite textures in Italy myself when I visited in 2009 (see a few of my photos). I mean, who isn't when they visit Rome? The inspiration is literally on every single wall in the ancient city.

PROCESS

"For [Quartermaine], the thrill comes in trying to controll the uncontrollable. All these paints behave differently. 'It is so exciting to have these jars and tubes of fabulous, intense colour around you. But what comes out of those jars of orange and blue or green is even more magical. The way the colours seep into each other, bleed into each other, is stunning. And you are always there watching, watching all the time, trying to control the wash of colour."' (p. 112).

"With paint, it's all about controlling accidents, knowing when to pull back and when to let the paint do what it wants to do." (p. 113).

I LOVE these quotes - putting into words exactly how I feel about the process of painting.

Here's a youtube video of an interview with Quartermaine.

Carolyn QuartermaineCarolyn Quartermaine

 

feelings on time

IMG_2548Everytime I watch one of my favorite British tv series (Larkrise to Candleford is definitely one of my most favorite--I've literally watched the entire series at least 33 times or more!), I am overwhelmed with nostalgia. Living among a small community before the turn of the 20th century, yes life was much slower obviously then today (understatement). Yes, it's a tv show where there is conflict but it resolves. And life could have been harsh among the poorer folks who live in the tiny hamlet of Larkrise compared to the bustling little town of Candleford. But I find myself so torn. Where have those days gone when I was little and I could literally remember when I had nothing, absolutely nothing to do . . . and I got BORED. Remember that word? BORED. Amazing. Yes, I will tell my son someday that I grew up without digital phones, the internet, and special effects. I "remember" when all this phenomenal technology literally changed our lives. I lived through the dot com and where people actually would ask what is "www?" or email? What is that! And I remember when in 2003 Apple came out with the "mini" with black and white screens at first (I still have my original mini!) and all it did was play a list of songs . . . digitally!

It's so sad actually. My kid will not grow up so bored out of his mind that he has to figure out how to entertain himself. I remember days when I would be so bored I would literally just sit outside or stare out the window. I loved storms in the middle of the night and would wake up so excited when a wicked storm would thunder through our neighborhood like a train and watch the thrashing of the trees, bending to the will of powerful invisible wind whistling and rattling my window panes. It gave me a thrill to my bones to witness when I was little.

I would also skip an invitation to the movies to just lay in the middle of our living room when no one but myself was at home. And play my parents massive stereo (cause in the 90's we had massive speakers not small tiny things that hardly weight a pound!) full blast with my favorite classical/choral music, Henry V soundtrack by Patrick Doyle. Man did I love those powerful songs. If I ever felt low or depressed I would lay on the carpet floor and close my eyes and listen intently and also sing along when I felt like it! Then I would cry and cry, the emotions overwhelming me until I finally fell asleep exhausted.

I miss that time, literally. Time would pass slowly, patiently. Never frenzied and hectic. I truly did live in the moment. And I miss that so terribly it actually hurts in my gut. I hate how this past winter has was so hectic I hardly could breathe I felt the weird push and pull between the monotony of everyday life but how rapidly weeks would go by and I felt completely rushed all the time. . . "BEHIND" never catching up! Never!

Candleford is another favorite series of mine with Judi Dench and there would be scenes of letter-writing or reading for hours by candlelight. The time it took to make decisions was respected. Now yes, there were characters who loved each other for decades and finally made a "decision" to get married after years and years wasted. It was too much time. But the depiction of sitting with decisions, letting it percolate, meditate on the right and wrong and each time really trying to make the best decision (whatever that may be) was what the day was made of! An entire DAY or more perhaps, spent on making up one's mind about a particular issue or relationship problem, etc.

And that's definitely what I've felt this past Mercury Retrograde which was such a dousy for me. I felt major decisions taken out of my hands and made "overnight" has been one of the most frustrating processes of me to just sit back, sigh, let out all my immediate emotions over the matter, but settle into making the decision for myself. Time is such a weird mechanism in our lives - ESP our Western lives. We are slaves to the clock. Slaves. Envy those unique souls that can escape it.

And that's only one reason why I love my British tv series! I guess it's always good to be reminded of what was seemingly lost, to realize in that moment, you have always had it. Perhaps I should relish in my time spent even writing this post. Reflection is precious.